There are two types of mushrooms:
The ones that make you see flying pink dwarfs and the ones that make your taste buds tingle.
Morel is the latter.
Now, look, it’s no secret that your uncle Ferret here had a wild past.
In my youth, I was exposed to all sorts of freaky mushrooms and very few of them actually ended up being edible.
It took me several hospital trips to realize I shouldn’t be experimenting with fungi and I decided to read a book on them, contrary to my core beliefs.
And the book taught me to appreciate these delicate plants in every way imaginable.
Now, one of my favorite mushrooms is the morel, which is also an amazing survival food: it contains over 16 core nutrients, including Zinc, Potassium, Iron and Selenium.
The problem with it is that it’s harder to find than my willy after a cold bath.
That is, if you don’t know what you’re looking for.
Since your uncle Ferret has got your back, here’s a quick no bullshit guide to hunting morel’s.
#1) Memorize exactly what the morel mushroom looks like
#2) Avoid a toxic version of the morel mushroom
#3) First look for dying trees on the forest edge
#4) Then look for ash, aspen, elm and oak trees
#5) Look for wet soil that’s in the shade (moist land or river soil)
#6) Forget patterns, just hunt in shady areas
Don’t forget, mushroom picking is a serious business. It takes patience, but it can end up in a nice, big meal.